Hello Pittsburgh friends. It is me, Geno. Yes I feel shame for losing Olympics. Much shame. But also much fear. Time to put on fake mustache and hightail it out of country. I should make it to Kazakhstan border by dawn. If you see me on street in Sochi, no call me Geno! Call me Guy Incognito. I still remember fallout from 1980 team. They wake up in frozen pond up to their necks! And figure skating team wake up to find eyes gouged out! Not a good year for any Russian skaters. Then they make figure skating team perform their routine for 12 hours straight on same ice where hockey team buried. Not pretty sight. But number one pay-per-view in Russian history! Too bad our loss put a damper on good times in Motherland. I was proud to show my league-mates my home country. Sid not happy because no Disney channel in hotel. But fuck him anyway because he win another gold. Just kidding! So happy for him and Kunitz. Jagr was very happy because not one prostitute over 19 years old. Very strict age discrimination in Russia! Also no waitress and no nurse over 19. Pretty much any women over 19 carted off to work in herring cannery or traded to Latvia for lunch-meats. Well, I must go now. Run and hide in cover of darkness. Like Canadian military during Iraq war. LOL…just kidding, Sid! Not everyone can have big, huge balls like Ruskies, eh!
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