Coaches Meeting 4a: Patriots Fan-Friendly Version

Myra Hiatt Kraft

Patriots fans can be the biggest pussies.  When “Coaches Meeting 4” was originally posted on a Steelers fansite a few Patriots fans overreacted and whined about how insensitive it was– as if the common fan really gives a shit about a billionaire’s dead wife. One Patriots fan even said that I had jinxed the Steelers (note:  Steelers won 25 – 17).  I posted this fan-friendly follow-up as a sarcastic response to all the criticism.  I hope all the retarded Patriots fans accept it as my humble apology.  By the way, if I knew it would help the Steelers win, I would personally make the trek to Boston to defecate on Myra Kraft’s grave.  Fuck the Patriots.


Tomlin:  “Good day, everybody!  I hope you all are faring well.”

Lebeau:  “Very well, indeed.  And the same to you!”

Arians:  “My, the tea is splendid this morning!  Do you mind if I have another cup?”

Tomlin:  “Yes, please do.  We have plenty!”

Lebeau:  “My wife made some cherry squares this morning.  Please, help yourselves.”

Arians:  “I love her cherry squares.  So scrumptious!”

Lebeau:  “Yes, these are the same ones we had sent over to Mr. Kraft upon learning of his wife’s passing.”

Tomlin:  “Such a terrible thing.  She was a wonderful person.  I am sure the good Lord has reserved a rightful place for her by his side in heaven.”

Arians:  “Yes, Yes.  And Mr. Kraft himself, also a very wonderful human being.”

Lebeau:  “What a courageous fellow!  To deal with the unfortunate passing of his lovely bride and still find time to save the very game that we all hold dear to our hearts.  His contributions to the labor negotiations were immeasurable.”

Tomlin:  “Yes, Yes.”  (holds his tea cup high over his head.)  “To the man who saved football!”

Arians:  “Here, here!”

Lebeau:  “Here, here!”

Tomlin:  “I feel me must pay our respects.  A tribute of some sort.  Shall we adorn the sidelines with lilies for the contest this weekend?  Her favorite flower.”

Arians:  “We must!”

Lebeau:  “A gallant idea!  Such a beautiful and pleasant woman deserves such a fine tribute.”

Tomlin:  “And Renegade.  Shall we play Renegade in her honor?”

Lebeau:  “We must!”

Arians:  “I’ll work on a fitting video montage to use during the playing of Renegade.  I’ll query New England’s public relations staff for some video footage.  Surely that should lift all our spirits!”

Tomlin:  “We shall make the Patriots and their fans feel gloriously welcomed!  All will be wonderful!”

Steelers Special Teams Coordinator Al Everest:  “Are you guys serious?  I have no idea what’s going on.  Did the meeting start yet?”

2 thoughts on “Coaches Meeting 4a: <i>Patriots Fan-Friendly Version</i>”

Comments are closed.