An uncensored, behind-the-scenes look at Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin and his staff.
2011 Week 6: Pittsburgh 17, Jacksonville 13. Next: @Arizona
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Tomlin: “Big day today, Men. Road trip. And you all know what we like best about being on the road.”
Arians: “Whores!”
Tomlin: “No, not that…..focus. No wives, no children, no girlfriends, no videogames. Focus! Just the task at hand. We focus on the contest and only the contest.”
Arians: “Oooh!” (holds up his blackberry) “Wiz just invited us to his place for a barbecue Saturday night!”
Tomlin: “Put me down for Bratwurst.”
Lebeau: “Bratwurst? Is that going to keep on the flight?”
Tomlin: “I’ll just throw em in Hampton’s cooler. Now what was I just talking about?”
Arians: “Krokus. That freakin band was amazing.”
Lebeau: “Dammit, BA, he was talking about focus! Not that hippie bullshit!”
(Arians plays a little of Krokus’ “Screaming in the Night” on his blackberry.)
Tomlin: “Alright, men….calm down. We need to focus ourselves. Make sure the team knows that this is a business trip. We’re going to Arizona to win a football game! And maybe some delicious barbecue. And a little Krokus on the iPod for the flight— you may have me hooked, there, BA. They are rockin.”
Special Teams Coordinator Al Everest: “Excuse me, Coach, I was thinking maybe we work in a surprise onsides kick this week—you know that one I’ve been working on in practice?”
Lebeau: “Who the fuck’s this guy?”
Tomlin: “That’s Special Teams Coordinator Al Everest. You met him like a hundred times. He’s in this meeting every week.”
Lebeau: “Seriously?”
Arians: “No, he’s right. (holds up blackberry) I just googled it. Steelers special teams coach, Al Everest.”
Everest: “I sit between you guys on the plane.”
(Blank stares from Lebeau and Arians.)
Tomlin: “Look, we all know Special Teams is just as important a facet of the game as offense and defense.”
(Everyone bursts out laughing including Tomlin and Everest.)
Everest: “I didn’t even get an invite for the barbecue Saturday night.”
(Art Rooney II walks into the room.)
Rooney: “Good morning fellas. Ready for the long flight?”
Tomlin: “Yes, Sir. I was just telling my guys here that we need to get focused. This is a business trip and our one and only mission is victory.”
Rooney: “I like that. But maybe we let our guard down a little and find some nice ASU honeys down there for a little pre-game action? Know what I’m sayin?”
Tomlin: “It would be a shame to fly all the way down to Arizona and not sample some of America’s finest!”
Rooney: “One thing, though, we may have a little bit of an issue with Harrison on the flight. Seems his pain medication would interact with the pills he takes to get through a flight. He may have to fly unmedicated this time around.”
Lebeau: “Jesus! Last time we tried that he damn near threw a drink cart out the emergency exit. He was like a caged lion on that flight.”
Arians: “Good thing Keisel had his tranq gun on him.”
Rooney: “Don’t worry, I think we may have a solution, though. Bring him in!”
(Two trainers come through the door wheeling James Harrison in a dolly. He’s wearing a strait jacket and mask ala Hannibal Lecter).
Tomlin: “This might just work. You okay in there, James?”
(Harrison scowls.)
Tomlin: “He’s riding down in the cargo section, though. He’s kind of freakin me out. And did anyone check his carryon for firearms?”
Arians: “Oh, I got plenty of firearms.” (Opens his own carryon to reveal several handguns packed between issues of Golf Digest.)
Tomlin: “What? No! Nobody should be bringing guns on the flight. Nobody should be bringing guns anywhere! Didn’t we learn anything from Plaxico?”
(Blank stares from everyone.)
Rooney: “Calm down, Mikey. We’re all grown men here.” (He opens his sport coat to reveal his piece in a holster. He pulls it out and empties the bullets into his hand. The black gun and the bullets combine to display some familiar colors) “Black and gold, baby.”
Tomlin: (Nodding). “Lock and load! Let’s go win this motherfucker!”
