Dr. Spaceman, Author at SmorgasBurgh

IS MICHAEL SAM REALLY GAY?

March 23, 2014 by Dr. Spaceman Leave a Comment

Michael Sam, the NFL’s soon to be first openly gay player, has been a hot topic of conversation this offseason– except, ironically, among the gay male community which isn’t really that into football. But do you really think he’s gay? Really? I know what you’re thinking– I’m an asshole. Criticizing a courageous role model for young homosexuals everywhere. However, I am NOT questioning Michael Sam’s courage one bit. Not at all. In fact, you know what would be even more brave than a gay man coming out of the closet before he enters the NFL draft? A straight man PRETENDING to be gay and coming out of the closet for the draft. That takes fucking balls. I salute you, Sam, whether or not you are lying out of your gay ass.
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Filed Under: Other Stuff

GENO ON THE OLYMPICS

February 24, 2014 by Dr. Spaceman Leave a Comment

Hello Pittsburgh friends. It is me, Geno. Yes I feel shame for losing Olympics. Much shame. But also much fear. Time to put on fake mustache and hightail it out of country. I should make it to Kazakhstan border by dawn. If you see me on street in Sochi, no call me Geno! Call me Guy Incognito. I still remember fallout from 1980 team. They wake up in frozen pond up to their necks! And figure skating team wake up to find eyes gouged out! Not a good year for any Russian skaters. Then they make figure skating team perform their routine for 12 hours straight on same ice where hockey team buried. Not pretty sight. But number one pay-per-view in Russian history! Too bad our loss put a damper on good times in Motherland. I was proud to show my league-mates my home country. Sid not happy because no Disney channel in hotel. But fuck him anyway because he win another gold. Just kidding! So happy for him and Kunitz. Jagr was very happy because not one prostitute over 19 years old. Very strict age discrimination in Russia! Also no waitress and no nurse over 19. Pretty much any women over 19 carted off to work in herring cannery or traded to Latvia for lunch-meats. Well, I must go now. Run and hide in cover of darkness. Like Canadian military during Iraq war. LOL…just kidding, Sid! Not everyone can have big, huge balls like Ruskies, eh!

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Filed Under: Pittsburgh Sports

SB 48 A DEFINING MOMENT FOR JOHN FOX

January 24, 2014 by Dr. Spaceman Leave a Comment

This is John Fox’s second trip to the Super Bowl, the first was with Carolina in 2004 in what ended up being one of the best Super Bowls ever played. Fox has been a head coach for 12 consecutive years, starting with Carolina in 2002 where he spent nine years before getting fired after a 2 – 14 record in 2010. This is his third year with the Broncos. He missed four games in the middle of the season with heart issues and Defensive Coordinator Jack Del Rio took over head coaching duties in his absence. The team went 3 – 1 under Del Rio. I have to imagine Fox would think long and hard about retirement if he goes on to win the Super Bowl. I’m just speculating, but I’m sure that the stressful and demanding role of an NFL head coach is not good for anyone with a healthy heart, let alone someone who is coming off of surgery. Winning a ring would probably make for an easier transition to a relaxing retirement to focus on his health.
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Filed Under: Other Stuff

IAN RAPOPORT IS A DICK

November 17, 2013 by Dr. Spaceman 1 Comment

Sorting through all of the misinformation on the Internet is nothing new to us. The old adage, “You can’t believe everything you read” has never been more relevant. For every informative and accurate story out there, there are dozens more that are either completely fabricated or utterly useless. Of course, this problem isn’t limited to just the Internet— it is difficult to find reliable information anywhere anymore.
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Filed Under: Pittsburgh Sports

COACHES MEETING 29

November 9, 2013 by Dr. Spaceman Leave a Comment

An uncensored, behind-the-scenes look at Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin and his staff.
2013 Week 10. Last Week: Pittsburgh 31, New England 55. Next: Buffalo.
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Tomlin: “Well, that was about the most disappointing performance of my entire career. We obviously have a lot of issues to work out. We can’t block. We can’t tackle. Obviously when those two things aren’t working for you, you’re going to lose every time.”
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Filed Under: Coaches Meetings