FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK!!! Oh God that felt so good! First time I’ve ever said it out loud. (weeps) Hello God! You remember me, don’t you? It’s Tim. You remember your most faithful fucking servant, don’t you? Or maybe you don’t? I don’t know anymore. I kind of think maybe you fucking don’t give a shit. I praised you EVERY CHANCE I had. You know how ridiculous I looked with bible verses in my eye black? My teammates beat the shit out of me. I’m still a virgin too because of you! I have two National Championships– you know how much ass that could have gotten me? Did you see my girlfriend? You know how hard it is not to fuck that! I am totally fucking her tonite! WITH A CONDOM! Hell, I’m fucking EVERYONE tonite! Dudes, too! Gronkowski has sex ALL THE TIME! I know because he texts me every time. And you let him go to the Super Bowl! What do I get? NO SUPER BOWL! NO PRO BOWL! I came so close but apparently you miraculously healed Roethlisberger’s fucking ankle. I guess he’s your PRODIGAL SON. What am I? Job??? AND NOW I’M OUT OF DENVER!!! The Fuck? You let Manning replace me? Manning? That greedy inbred! How could you? You know they are giving him $96 Million? I bet you’re not seeing a dime of that, either. God damn it! I TITHE! I would have totally hooked you up. But instead you keep fucking me over. (Shotguns a Yoo-hoo) I am getting so fucked up tonite! I might even perform an abortion. What else are you going to do to fuck with me? Trade me to Cleveland? Go for it. I don’t give a fuck anymore. (vomits) Let’s go, Mom.
UPDATE – 03/21/12: I posted this before Tebow was traded to the Jets but I have to imagine backing up Sanchez only compounds the suffering.