THE WASHINGTON WHATCHAMACALLITS

redskins

There are very few things that I feel strongly about. Basically, I am a very shallow person. I love my family and my television. That’s it. Oh, I also like burgers. Everything else I pretty much don’t give a shit about. There are some issues that I am lukewarm on. Gays should be allowed to marry. Why not. Fuck, people could marry donkeys for all I care. Men shouldn’t hit women and people shouldn’t shit in the streets. That’s actually one more thing I feel strongly about. I can’t imagine how enraged I would be if I was taking a stroll and stepped in human shit. If someone was going to do it on a rare occasion for laughs, that would be fine. I would actually find it funny. But if shitting in the streets became a “thing” I would be so pissed. I’m fully aware that they do this in some countries like China and India, which is why I never plan on stepping foot in any of those places. Oh, I also lack culture. I don’t have any ambition to travel. The view in real life is never as spectacular as anything on my HDTV.

All of this buildup was just so I could tell you how passionate I am about the Washington Redskins. Daniel Snyder is a buffoon and I hope he never wins a Super Bowl, but I’m passionate about keeping the Redskins name. Yes, I know in some of your eyes that makes me an insensitive, racist, ignorant ‘murican, but I really don’t care. There are much bigger issues in this country that we need to fix than the name of some rich asshole’s NFL franchise. It’s his team and he paid a ton of money for it and he should be able to keep the name. I understand that a small minority of Native Americans might be offended, and that is one of the reasons that many civil rights groups have tried to ban the name. But I would be more sympathetic if they didn’t also take issue with names like Seminoles, Indians and Braves. All posturing. The NCAA tried to ban Florida State from using the nickname Seminoles, even though the Florida Seminole tribe endorsed it! And what is so offensive about “Braves”? Seriously? Organizations have been trying for years to eradicate all of these nicknames claiming it portrays Native Americans in a bad light. Why? How? It’s a bunch of bullshit. Just organizations trying to draw attention to themselves. If the Redskins offend you, then just root for the Giants. Or watch bowling or do a paint-by-numbers every Sunday or some shit. My wife has some Native American in her blood and she couldn’t care less. Admittedly its a small part of her ethnicity, but you damn well better believe my kids are checking that box on all their college financial aid applications. Do your father proud, Little Wolf.

When I hear the name Indians, I think about a culture that shits in the streets. And then I think about “Dances with Wolves” and I fucking love that movie. Native Americans reflect proudly upon their past and the intention of organizations like the Cleveland Indians, the Atlanta Braves and the Washington Redskins was to honor them and preserve their legacy. Why punish them for it now because all of a sudden some are claiming to be offended? The Redskins chose that nickname over 80 years ago and there wasn’t much serious opposition until the nineties. There is much debate about whether Redskins is a derogatory term. There are some Native Americans who say so and others who disagree. I personally think the outcry has nothing to do with Native Americans but people who want to force the name change because Snyder is a dick. (I would actually be cool with changing it if they came out and admitted that.) One of the groups opposing the name Redskins is the Society of Indian Psychologists. Wait…..I thought they weren’t supposed to be called “Indians”? I’m offended by THEIR name. (Actually, Indians is apparently now the preferred term instead of Native Americans. But who the hell can keep track of this bullshit. Pick a fucking name and stick with it. And what happens when the real Indians– from India– decide that they don’t want to share their moniker with the Native Americans? Then we’ll have to call them Redskins, right?) They, along with other groups like the NAACP, claim that using Native American logos and mascots creates a hostile environment. I think our ancestors reached the peak of hostility when they tried to eradicate them all by passing out blankets infected with small pox. This is small potatoes. I find it hard to believe that a proud people with a long history of valiant struggle, survival and triumph would be upset over a stupid football team nickname. They are probably offended by the perceived offense.

We are way too fucking sensitive in this country and we focus our energy on the stupidest things. We have families that can’t afford to feed their children. We have kids in high school who can’t read. We have kids shooting each other in urban streets every day. How about we focus on some of those issues than a silly name? Seriously…when we stop the SENSELESS KILLINGS then maybe we can focus on the people with hurt feelings. Take note of your politicians that are championing the name change and then vote against those pieces of shit in November so maybe we can get some people in office that want to do some real work.

If I was Daniel Snyder I would just change the name to the Washington Buttery Anuses. Seems pretty safe to me.

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