THE REPLACEMENTS

What the hell is the ref in the picture thinking? Was he carrying out some kind of “Fight Club” assignment? Or just a crazy flashback? Or was he frustrated because he bet on the Rams? Regardless, he is a badass. His name is Garth DeFelice and he is not to be fucked with.

Of course you heard by now that the NFL Officials are holding out over a salary dispute. With the regular season just a couple short weeks away, there is a strong possibility that the season will begin with replacements. Oh, no! In this economy how will we ever find any incompetent, fat, slow, old guys who need a part time job and are willing to work on Sundays? Who will blow pass interference calls now? Who could we ever find to make horrible, inconsistent judgement calls on roughing-the-passer penalties? Who will fluff Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. on the sidelines during TV timeouts?

I’m sure your reaction to the strike is pretty much like mine– “Really? Who gives a shit?” I can’t think of any job in the NFL that is less irreplaceable than the officials. I would be more concerned if the Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders were on strike (yes, the gratuitous shots of them on Hard Knocks are one of my favorite parts of this season). Let’s just move on with replacements because they can just do just as shitty a job as the guys on strike. The same guys who made several mistakes during the Lions-Saints playoff game last season. The same guys who missed the illegal formation call against the Broncos in their overtime playoff win against the Steelers last season. The same guys who called THIS a personal foul. HOLY SHIT. Watch that video again and try to tell me that the refs deserve more money. FUCK THEM. Hire the new replacements, give them a crash course and be done with it. It really cannot be any worse. (Except Garth DeFelice. Garth DeFelice deserves a raise and then some. DO NOT FUCK WITH GARTH DeFELICE. EVEN HIS NAME IS FUCKING BADASS.)

Did you ever see what some of the officials do in their day jobs? Ed Hochuli, who is probably the most famous official because of his 24 inch pythons, is an attorney. What kind of attorney has the time for a part-time job? What kind of attorney NEEDS a part-time job? IS HE ON HEROIN? Does he have to get a paper route to supplement his income if this whole strike thing doesn’t pan out? And if it is not about the money then why the fuck is he on strike? This guy’s probably making a ton of money already, but he’s on strike because his PART-TIME JOB just isn’t cutting it? What the fuck is going on? IS THIS THE GREEDIEST FUCKER IN THE WORLD? SORRY GOD DIDN’T GIVE YOU A FAIR SHAKE IN LIFE. YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT. Can you imagine trying to explain this whole thing to some guy living in Pakistan right now? He would fucking stab you just on principle.

Hochuli is not the only official who makes or made a decent living outside of the NFL. Ron Winter is a professor at Western Michigan. Mike Carey owns a ski apparel company. Walter Anderson was a dentist. Garth DeFelice is an Ultimate Fighter. Just about all of the refs have other jobs. Look, I know the NFL is a huge cash cow– and owners (and Roger Goodell) are making a fuck ton of money– but that doesn’t mean that they’re obligated to just throw their money away. An NFL official can make anywhere from $70K per year up to $200K per year. Not bad at all for a part-time job. Sure they take a lot of scrutiny (I just called Hochuli a greedy fucker and I don’t even know the guy) but they already get paid handsomely and they are very replaceable.

Also fuck Mike Florio and anyone else in the media acting like this referee strike is going to bring down the NFL. It’s not. Nobody gives a shit about the refs and their little strike. (At least not until their team is screwed by a bad call.) Mike Florio likes to blow everything out of proportion to attract more page hits. Calm down, Florio. Your job as a weaselly little prick who likes to stir up drama, is safe.

Mike Pereira, who used to be the NFL’s Vice President of officiating is very outspoken in defending his old buddy officials and supporting their strike. He has criticized Goodell repeatedly during this strike. This is the same Mike Pereira who you see on Fox during games when they bring him in to comment on a replay review and he inevitably gets the call wrong. EVERY TIME. Thanks, Mike. Either you’re a moron or the official on the field is a moron. But every time the two of you disagree on the call you make my point– ANY JACKASS CAN DO THIS JOB. Where do I sign up?

 

Follow us on twitter to join the Garth DeFelice fan club..

Comments

comments

Speak Your Mind

*

*