TEBOWED!

It’s been a few days now so I guess it is time to move on.  OH MY GOD WE LOST TO TEBOW HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY.  Okay, I had to get that out because it really does still hurt a little.  Especially against someone like Tebow who I am still convinced will be a backup by mid season next year.

Now I hate to go down the preachy “we should all be grateful anyway” path, but I have to because SOME IDIOT FANS KEEP PICKING FIGHTS WITH WILLIAM GAY AND MAURKICE POUNCEY AND MAKING US LOOK LIKE TOTAL ASSES.  (By the way, Gay had a good season and had perfect coverage on that Eddie Royal touchdown catch on Sunday and Pouncey was injured and didn’t even play.)  Look, the Steelers make the freaking playoffs year after year and they have been to the Superbowl eight times with more championships than any other franchise.  Fuck you, Packer fans, your seventy titles from the 1800’s don’t count because they weren’t even on TV so how do we REALLY KNOW?

I know we’re the laughingstock of the league right now, but here are a few facts to help us recover:

  1. While the Steelers have won 6 Superbowl titles, the Browns have won only 6 PLAYOFF GAMES in the Superbowl era.  And of course we all know they have never even been to the Superbowl.
  2. The Cardinals have only won 6 playoff games in their entire history.  Same with the Falcons, although they haven’t been in existence as long.
  3. In addition to Cleveland, three other teams have yet to play in a Superbowl:  Detroit, Jacksonville and Houston (that includes the Oilers).  Also, the Jets and Chiefs haven’t been to a Superbowl in over forty years.  That means most Chiefs fans have had their first heart attack without ever having seen their team in the big game.
  4. 15 teams have never won a Superbowl.
  5. The Bills have one winning season this century and that was in 2004 when they only went 9 – 7 and still missed the playoffs.
  6. The Redskins have only won one playoff game this century.  And Daniel Snyder is a crazy person.
  7. Prior to making the playoffs this year, the Lions had 10 consecutive losing seasons.  (Believe me that would sound a lot worse if the Pirates weren’t so fucking awful.)
  8. The last time the Bengals had two consecutive winning seasons?  1981 and 1982—but that was a strike shortened season so it probably shouldn’t even count.  But we’ll still give it to them since they have NOTHING.
  9. The Oakland Raiders have not been to the playoffs since losing the Superbowl in 2002.
  10. This one is mentioned every time the Cowboys are on national TV, but it is worth repeating—they have one playoff win in the last 15 seasons.  Good things really do happen to good people don’t they JERRY JONES?

So before you decide to throw down with James Harrison this week, think about how much fucking worse things could be.  Enjoy the games this weekend and hope to God that Baltimore doesn’t win the Superbowl.  Or the Patriots.  Or the Packers.  Or the 49ers.  Or the Saints (because Sean Payton is just way too smug for someone who is so scrawny looking.)  So that leaves….

OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO ROOT FOR TEBOW.

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