JOHN HARBAUGH’S WORST WEEK

(SEVEN NEW MESSAGES…..BEEEEP)

John. Bill Belichick. I just heard your comments regarding Spygate. I know how it works some times with those radio shows…that’s why I lock myself in my basement all off season with sock puppets and re-enact the entire previous season. I don’t talk to a soul. Highly recommend it. Still, just wanted to say….you’re a dick.

(BEEP)

John. Your agent. WHAT THE FUCK??? Why are you commenting on Spygate? Why now? That shit was 10 years ago. We all know the Patriots are a bunch of cheating Fucksticks who don’t deserve ANY of their rings but WE DON’T SAY THAT OUT LOUD. You do know you’re on the bubble here, man. All these years of choking in the playoffs have the fans wanting your ass. Badmouthing other coaches is not going to help if you find yourself unemployed next year. You don’t want to get MANGINIed do you???

(BEEP)

John. Jim. Dad’s birthday next Thursday. Wanted to see if you wanted to go halfsies on a gift. I’m thinking socks. Call me. By the way, heard what you said about Belichick. Not cool. Dick.

(BEEP)

John. Saints owner Tom Benson here. Thanks for taking the heat off of us for a little. Pretty God darn stupid of you to say anything about Spygate though. But we sure appreciate it. Love to chat but I gotta run. I think this Haitian kid just shit my bed.

(BEEP)

John. Pat Gleason, Ravens PR. We’re going to need you to issue a statement on the Spygate comments. As soon as possible please. (pauses) Dumbass.

(BEEP)

John. Mangini. Way to go. People were ALMOST over Spygate. I was THIS CLOSE to working my way back into the league– but you went and fucked that up. Now I’m back to being the sniveling little Spygate snitch. Nice. Great. By the way everyone knows that Spygate was the worst kind of cheating ever but we’re TRYING TO SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG NOW. Even I let it go. I have to issue some bs statement on ESPN again. Go fuck yourself.

(BEEP)

John. It’s Dean. I know you’re getting beat up over the Spygate thing. Sorry to hear. Keep your head up. It’ll go away soon– you know how these things work. By the way…Suggs just tore his acl and is out for the season. Press conference in 15.

 

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Comments

comments

Comments

  1. bluzdude says:

    Let me see if I can conjure up some sympathy for the Ratbirds…

    [nnnnnnnnnnghhhh.]

    Nope. None at all. Fuck’em.

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