FUCKING J-HAY

Justin Verlander dropped an F-bomb on live television last night in a post game interview after narrowly missing out on his third career no-hitter. Root Sports was right on top of it, though, because they hit the drop button about 40 seconds AFTER. (Oh shit. Better late than never!) Then Paul Alexander apologized because the last thing anyone wants to hear at 10pm on a Friday night is the F-word. (Or Satan’s word, as I like to call it.) No apology for the shitty Pirates baseball that they subject us to night after night, though. Verlander’s gaffe was perfectly acceptable because the Detroit reporter asked him the stupidest question ever:  “Was your reaction (to losing the no-hitter) printable?” Verlander was just being completely honest about what his reaction was: “Fuck!” Smorgasburgh, by the way, has absolutely no issues whatsoever with printing it. (Not sure what the Detroit Free Press is going to do.)

Josh Harrison spoiled Verlander’s no-hitter with one out in the 9th because Josh Harrison is an asshole. The Pirates broadcasting team insist on calling Harrison “J-Hay” and I will happily oblige because it’s the lamest nickname ever and all of the Pirates should have really shitty nicknames that stick with them for the rest of their lives. Greg Brown’s nickname can be Fuckface. Verlander would have been only the 6th pitcher of all time to throw at least three no-hitters. Off the top of my head, I am going to guess that the other five are Nolan Ryan, Jeff Karstens, AJ Burnett, Kevin Correia and Bob Walk. No? Am I wrong? Oh, I must be listening to too much Pirates Broadcasting. The Pirates are like the Kim Jong il of sports. No matter how shitty they are (and they are the absolute shittiest team ever in all of professional sports) they will spin everything and blow smoke up our asses. Even last night after their woeful one hit performance against Verlander, they celebrated Josh Harrison’s hit like it was his 3,000th. Congrats J-Hay! 3,000 more! Whadya say!

Fuck the Pirates. They’ll keep reminding us that they were in first place last season and Jerry Meals’ bad call is the only thing that kept them out of the World Series. The truth is that they were in first place for about 2 days mid-season and they finished with 90 losses which is actually much better than their play on the field reflected. Also, catcher Mike McKenry made the worst tag attempt ever on that Jerry Meals call. It was the right call because that game was dragging on WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY too long for a shitty Pirates team that was just going to lose 90 games again anyway. So far they are on pace to lose 87 games this season, but they will get worse as the season wears on and their pitching begins to fade again. (Remember James McDonald was perfect through 5 innings the other day? Neither do I. But the Pirates will continue to remind us the rest of the season.) Every pitcher that faces the Pirates this season will be salivating with the chance to throw a no-hitter against the worst lineup in all of baseball.

Just so reading this wasn’t a complete waste of your time, the only five pitchers in MLB history to have at least 3 career no-hitters are:  Nolan Ryan, Sandy Koufax, Bob Feller, Cy Young and Larry Corcoran. (Thanks to MLB.com for looking that up so I wouldn’t have to.)

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