Hello Pittsburgh fans! It is me again…Geno! Rough night last night for game one Conference Finals. Zero goals and we lose. But you see me win fight? Just like Ivan Drago, yes? Growing up in Russia, I was big fan of Drago. In Russia they show Rocky IV in school as documentary to help promote steroid use. (Also syringes for cereal box prize very good steroid promotion. I have full collection of syringes for all Smeshariki cartoon characters.) Anyway Russian version of Rocky IV is 60 minutes and end when Drago kill Apollo Creed. Drago is big hero to Russian school children. Like Peter Pan for Americans. When I first come to Penguins Duper tease me that Drago lose to Rocky at end of Rocky IV. I no believe until he show me American cut. DEVASTATING. Like when Americans learn Tom Hanks is Communist. Anyway, Sidney not too happy in locker room last night. He tell us goose egg is unacceptable. I tell him goose egg is main staple of Volga Tatar cuisine. I’d kill for a good Volga Tatarstan restaurant in Pittsburgh. But right now need concentrate on winning Game 2 tomorrow night. I promise Coach Bylsma little less fighting, little more defense. Coach say Boston already steal home ice advantage—but for me, not so bad. Boston is cold, shitty socialist state full of drunken white people. Remind me so much of home.

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The Pirates played another meaningless game yesterday afternoon at PNC Park, which meant that those in the stadium were not the only ones who had to suffer. Everyone who works in town was treated to a fucking nightmare of a traffic jam, thanks to Bob Nutting and his continued hatred for the hardworking people of this great city. HAVEN’T YOU FUCKED US OVER ENOUGH, YOU CHEAP, SOULLESS PIECE OF SHIT?

I find it ridiculous that they still let the Pirates go through the charade of an entire 162 game schedule, knowing full well that there is no chance of a playoff berth—but I don’t mind it all that much EXCEPT WHEN THEIR FUCKING FARCE INTERFERES WITH MY LIFE. If you insist on playing games during the middle of a work-day, then do it somewhere else where it won’t impede on the livelihood of people who matter. Do it in Cleveland. Sitting in game-day traffic on your drive home from work is like getting an STD from a rectal exam. Are you using the whole fist, doc?

I went to a day game last season. Some co-workers and I were invited to a luxury box and we drank lots of beer and talked about EVERYTHING BUT THE PIRATES. And this was when they were supposedly battling for a playoff spot. We all left early because nobody gave a shit and we didn’t want to sit thru traffic. Next day game at PNC Park, the Pirates should have the decency of kicking all the fans out by 3pm so they can all be off the roads by the time everyone else gets off work. They can finish the game in an empty stadium. Not like they haven’t done that before.

By the way, the Pirates open a three game series in Milwaukee tonight. Should be the perfect time for them to start their annual slide.

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I have not posted for quite some time and surely many of you were thinking I was dead. You will be happy to know that I am alive and well. When I do die, my wife has strict instructions to post one last tirade that I have written to tell everybody that I know and hate to go fuck themselves. It will be more vile and self-serving than anything else I have ever written. I can’t wait.

Now let’s talk about the Draft! I used to have a boring job where I just sat around all day killing time and back then I would read all kinds of shit about the draft and do all kinds of research and know most of the players that were drafted in the top 3 rounds. Now I have a job with much more responsiblity and it keeps me way too busy to kill any time on the Internet at all. Guess what? I liked the good old days and the boring-ass job TEN TIMES BETTER. I think I would have made a great Night Watchman. You know Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? I’m good with just the bottom tier. I don’t need any of that belonging or esteem or purpose or self-actualization bullshit. Just food and shelter and beer and TV. Maslow is a fucking idiot.

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