AN UPDATE FROM CROSBY

Hey guys, it’s me Sid.  I know…it’s been awhile!  A lot of you have been asking (over and over again) when I’ll be back on the ice.  In fact, that’s all anybody asks (over and over again).  Fans and media alike.  I’m here to answer the question once and for all, though.  I bet that will make everyone happy—myself included.  You see, I’ll be back in the lineup again WHEN MY FUCKING HEADACHES GO AWAY.  That’s right.  I had a SERIOUS HEAD INJURY.  I have constant headaches and dizziness.  You couldn’t play air hockey at the Chuck E Cheese with these symptoms let alone PROFESSIONAL ICE HOCKEY WITH THE GREATEST PLAYERS IN THE WORLD.  I know a lot of you are thinking that you’ve had concussions and you were back at work within the week.  Not the same thing.  Not even fucking close.  At my job we skate at unfathomable speeds and absorb punishing hits.  What did you do at work today?  You read some emails and took a shit break, right?  I’m willing to bet that at no point did you get hit in the teeth with a fucking stick.  I don’t know when my fucking headaches will go away but I’m doing everything I can to learn about them.  Now everyone is going apeshit over all the different diagnoses.  Some doctors say I fractured some vertebrae and some don’t.  I know you’re all curious about it so maybe I’ll send you the CAT scans.  Oh, you can’t read em?  Because you’re not a FUCKING NEUROSURGEON?  Then shut the fuck up about it already.  The only thing that matters is I STILL HAVE THE FUCKING HEADACHES.  The doctors say I just need to give it time and get some rest.  But a lot of you are even giving me shit about going to the beach last week.  Do you want to know what I did while I was there?  I rested.  BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE DO AT THE BEACH, ASSFUCK.  You can bet your fat ass that I’ll be back on the ice when my fucking headaches go away—helping my teammates win another Stanley Cup.  Just like we did in ’08.  OR DID YOU FORGET ALREADY?  Everybody that knows me knows that I love to play hockey.  You know what else I like doing?  Feeding myself and wiping my own ass.  I take my serious head injury FUCKING SERIOUSLY..

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Comments

  1. Thanks Sid. It just needed to be said.

    • Sid the Kid has a while to go beofre he’s the greatest player in the world.But all I gotta say is, it’s about damn time. I haven’t been able to watch hockey on TV for forever been surviving on Yahoo! and Versus online broadcasts and whatever live streams I can scrounge up. Three cheers for the Jan. 1 game! No wonder Fleury was pissed when he got injured.

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